With brave wings she flies...

Here's a small story to begin with...

There was once a lil' girl born to very loving parents. She was brought up to be strong, to be kind, to be respectful, and to always stand up for what she believed in - even if that meant standing alone sometimes. She was taught never to hurt people, she was taught to help people around her, she was taught to see the good in people, and love them for who they are. She was taught to work hard, and make her mark in the hearts of people in her life. For as long as she lived with her parents, she saw kindness and strength in her mother, and ambition and respect in her father. She did not know at that young age what all this meant. Why were her parents teaching her to be strong at such a young age? She was just a child. A child who was loved. Loved immensely by everyone around her. A child beaming with laughter. A child who her parents and family adored. A child who always felt safe in the arms of her loved ones. A child who had a home, and people she could trust and talk to.

Let's talk about this now...

How would you feel if you ever wanted to talk to someone, and you had no one? How would you feel that you have these words, and feelings that you need to pour out, but have no one who would listen to them? How would you feel if you ever wanted to talk about what was going on in your heart and mind, and all you were told was to be quiet? Do you know how it feels to not talk, not speak about how you feel, not have anyone around who would just sit and listen to you - listen to you talk about anything and everything you want to. Do you know how it feels to be left without a place to live? Do you know how it feels to be left on the side of the road in the middle of the night? Do you know how it feels to have all your belongings taken away from you in a country far away from your home, away from people who would be there for you in a heartbeat, and be told that you deserve this? Do you know how it feels to sleep on the bench in the park in the middle of the night shivering in the cold breeze? I do.

We all have that one person, our go-to person who we can share anything with. In most cases, it is either one of our siblings, or a best friend, or a spouse, or a parent. But, what if the person you chose to talk to everything with abandons you? How would that make you feel? How would that make you feel if you weren't able to share your emotions, and your feelings for 6 long years? Would it make you emotionless? Or would it make you feel abandoned? Or would it make you feel unloved, and uncared for? And last of all, would it change you? It changed me.

I don't know. I don't know how you would feel. But I felt alone and lonely. I felt a void in my heart every morning I woke up. I felt like a burden on the person I woke up next to. I felt like a burden on myself. I felt depressed, anxious, and unwanted. You would ask, why did I not get out of this situation? And to that I would answer I don't know. Did I ever want to get out of that situation? Yes! Everyday I woke up, I had suicidal thoughts. And just like all other thoughts that were locked up inside of me, these thoughts were also guarded. But, the problem was that I did have these thoughts. Would I act upon it? I did.

Ever since I posted that blog about my break up with my ex husband, I received over 500 messages. Messages that show pity, messages that portray sympathy, messages of encouragement, messages of anger, messages of suggestions, messages of similar situations, messages asking questions, messages of hatred, messages of love, messages of support, messages offering me numbers to talk to, messages making me want to believe in love again, and so many more. Thank you. My heartfelt thanks to people who have genuinely cared for me, and my heartfelt love and encouragement to people who had the time and energy to judge my situation and write me hate messages. I hope some day you find the strength to go through what I have been through, and still hate yourself. I will drink to that tonight. Now judge me for all I care.

I have had ample opportunities to talk about my feelings over the last couple of months. I have had ample support from everyone who knows me and who wants to sympathize with me because of my "situation". But I still choose to keep my words and my feelings to myself. I choose to show strength everyday I open my eyes. I choose to keep my emotions enclosed in the tiniest corner of my heart. Yes, I want to be in bed every morning. Not because I want to sleep more. But because being alone is a lonely road and one where you are judged not because of who you are, but what your past was. But, I choose strength over negativity. I choose to ignore every voice and glance coming my way. I choose quiet. It's because my mother since my childhood taught me to be kind and to choose my words carefully for people who are judging me are going through their own battles.

All my life, I was so scared of loving myself, of doing things I wanted to because we are always taught to care about our society, and "behave appropriately". But, if I may ask today - who is "society"? And who decides what is "appropriate" and what is not? Why is there such a taboo about being divorced, being single at 30 something, being childless, being more ambitious than your male counterparts, dating a divorced female, marrying a divorced female, being gay, talking about depression, and so many more issues that we as a society love judging, but do not want to talk about.

Why do guys who themselves go home with a crate of beer send me messages regarding me drinking wine and asking me if I am addicted to drinking? Who are you again? Why do girls have the need to message me and 'suggest' me to keep my private life private? Why do I need to respond to messages telling me that I should not be talking about my abusive marriage so openly? Why do I need to stay quiet about a guy who till date messages me asking me to take him back in one message, and abusing me and calling me a w***e in the next message. Why does he get to get any respect from me by keeping quiet about him, and not making his name public? Why?

Would girls messaging me about keeping "hush hush" about my divorce give the same advice to their sisters or daughters? And if you do or did, I will be the first one judging you. Do guys who judge me know how many times I have been dragged on the floor and slapped and punched on my face? Do these people know that I have been left on the side of the road like a 'prostitute' in the middle of the night on multiple occasions? Why? Because I refused to do 'as I was told'. I would not stroke a man's ego by putting myself down. I would not stay 'quiet' because somehow society thinks that is appropriate for a woman who wants to marry again. I would not put my ambition aside and stop doing things that make me happy because I am asked to do that.

A strong man would not ask me to be quiet for giving a boost to his ego. For him, my past does not define me. Just as your past does not define you. A strong man will choose to see beyond my imperfections, and respect what I stand for. For he knows that I am what I am because of the strength of my character, and that my stripes and bruises mean that I have lived through tough times and still managed to survive.

I loved my husband. Immensely. Everyone could see it in my eyes. I will never deny it. Not to my friends. Not to my parents. Not to the society. Not to anyone. But the truth is, he did not love me. He disrespected me and left me every chance he got. But, I stuck around and had hope. As much as I would hate to admit it, I was wrong. My love could not make him love me. My love for him did not make him a better person. Unfortunately, our love story wasn't an epic novel. It was a short story, but that doesn't make it any less filled with love from my side.

People who know me well they know I will go to the ends of this earth to love them, protect them, care for them, and stand by them in the toughest of times. People who don't know me well...well that's a story for another time....


P.S. The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. - Carrie Bradshaw

My Tainted Heart!!

Oh God! I haven't written here for a while. I have wanted to write here for so long, sometimes even thought about taking out a few minutes of my time and writing a quick post. Just didn't have the time, and couldn't gather courage to write what my stupid heart wanted to write. But, today, here I am. Stronger, and with a clear mind...absolutely want to go ahead and write my first post after 4 long years!

Over these years, I have received so many messages from a lot of people asking me about my personal life. I have always maintained my quiet, thinking these questions one day will die down. And one day, i'll just tell it as is. One day, maybe, I wouldn't need to answer these questions...because deep down in my heart, I had hope. Hope that made me believe things, my life might change. But it didn't. And today, I just wanted to write an affirmation to myself, something that I can look at, never to have to look back again.

I was young, stupid, naive, silly, quirky, and a complete idiot when I passed out of college. I thought I had everything under control. I thought I knew what I wanted, and I will get it no matter what. I thought life was easy. I thought life would be worth falling in love with. I couldn't have been more wrong. A girl who was once the most pampered child of her family had to see what was about to come. It started with me losing my family - father, uncles, 2 brothers. The loss was massive. One that takes years to overcome. But, that didn't stop me from dreaming. I was always a dreamer. Always saw the good in people, in life, in moments, in everything. All I have ever wanted, and all I will ever want is to smile and be happy. Is that too much to ask? Maybe. Or maybe not!

I thought losing my family was the worst that could have happened to me. I couldn't have been more wrong. I met this guy who I fell in love with. I loved him with every breath I took. Because he was the only guy I ever loved. I wanted to spend my life with him, and I wanted that life to begin just at that moment. I do not know what drew me towards him. I do not know why he had this power over me - power I could not let go off. Power I did not want to let go off. People who know me know I love smiling, and I love being happy. You guys know that even the most powerful of setbacks never made me let go off my will to be happy.

When I met Nitin, it was love at first sight, and after that at every sight. There is not a shortage of the list of things I did for "earning" his love. Because I thought love needs to be earned. Like I previously said I was stupid. Don't judge me. He was unemployed when I met him. I helped him get a job so he could be with me. He demanded an XUV so his mother could have his car. I bought him one. Happily. Without a frown on my face.

When we got married, I was so happy. It was like a baby girl just got her favorite doll to play with. I thought now he would finally love me. Because it's just me in his life now. Maybe now he will see how much I loved him. My eyes yearned for his attention. All my heart ever wanted was his glance. Love in his glance. From waking up early in the mornings to make breakfast for him, to coming home after work and cooking dinner for a guy who would not even say thank you to me for attempting to do things I had never done in life. Was this the marriage I dreamed of? No. But this is what he gave me.

I spent every weekend alone in a house where there was no love. In the first month of my marriage, my husband told me he needed space from me. Every weekend which should have been spent with me, he wanted to spend that with his mum and his sisters. Because I bugged him too much. Because I wanted to talk, and watch silly girl movies with him, and I wanted to go to Select Citywalk with him like a normal couple. All I wanted was for him to spend time with me. But, maybe I wasn't enough for him. Maybe my love wasn't enough for him. After 5 months of my marriage with him where he broke tables, fridges, phones in the house and blamed me for bringing out this side of him, he left me. He left me at my mums house. He said he will come to me when he is ready to be with me. Right now, he just needed his family. What was I? Not family, ofcourse.

I spent 14 months without him. I lied to every person I met. I lied I was happy. I lied that my husband took care of me. I used to travel in buses to get to work at 8.30 in the morning from Sonipat. It used to take me 1.5 hrs just to get to work. All this while, he was at his mothers place, not caring about his wife. Even during the vows that couples take during their wedding, a husband promises to provide the bare minimum for his wife. In this marriage, the wife was providing, and was still being told that she's incompetent. She was told she was ugly, fat, unambitious, a small town who hadn't seen anything in life, needed to stop "hogging" on chocolates...the wife was just that, a piece of furniture in the house who he married but forgot she had a heart that used to beat.

In these 14 months, my husband used to visit me on weekends fortnightly when he felt like he could love me. Because that was the only way we could be together. In these 14 months, my mother-in-law never let me enter her house. And in these 14 months, my husband did not have the courage to stand up for me and leave his family to be with his wife. All this while, I thought it's ok. Maybe he is just burdened by his problems and cannot take a stand.

I started applying for my Masters/Ph.D to every possible university in every possible country that would offer me a spot. Luckily, I got through every university in New Zealand. I did all this just so my husband would love me. I thought once we move to New Zealand, he would finally love me. I mortgaged my house to pay for my fees. Because his mother refused to help us out financially. Her words "This is for Kanika's education, and she would benefit from it". I took a massive loan on my head and moved to Auckland. The night I had my flight, my husband asked me to pay his credit card bill which I refused. I was going alone to an unknown country, and I needed as much financial security as I could manage. My husband did not come to see me off at the airport. I had tears in my eyes, and hope in my heart that he will show up at the last moment. He didn't.

When I reached Singapore for a layover, I called him up. He picked up and said he didn't come because I did not call him again and request him to come. It was my fault. Like always. After a month, Nitin came to Auckland. He showered me with love and gifts. For 20 odd days. After that, I started getting on his nerves again. We lived in a studio apartment I paid for, where I wasn't allowed to enter while he was sleeping. I made the library at Massey my bedroom. Made friends there who would bring me dinner, and blankets. One night, when I refused to give Nitin an ipod (out of the two ipods), he broke my laptop I was making my assignment on. He hit  me too (well I'll save this one for later). He packed his bags and decided to leave me. I touched his feet and begged him not to leave me. I was pathetic. He still did. Kicked me, and left me. He came back a day later and asked me to apologise. I did. It was my fault. I should have given him the ipod he asked for, and not the other one.

We now moved to a bigger house. I had my own room. He had his own. He needed to sleep, and he needed his space. I was competing with laptops, play stations, xboxes, and his mother. How did I ever think I'll win something like this. I kept trying though. I tried really hard to keep up my grades, to maintain the house, to do everything a good wife does, and alongside work to pay off my loan (yes, nitin never helped me pay it off). It just was never enough. I was never a good wife. If one day I wouldn't cook, he would tell me I was a failure. I was a pathetic wife. After a few months, my husband needed space again. Space from his clingy wife. So, he decided to leave me in Auckland, and visit his family for 2 months. In these 2 months, I was blocked on whatsapp, and whenever he would feel like talking to me, he would call. I was like a puppy in love with someone who only paid attention to me when he wanted to. And I thought it was okay. Maybe that's how all marriages are. Maybe, if I endure all this, he will love me one day. Maybe, he will see the nights I have spent crying just for his love.

When he came back to Auckland, he said he will never leave me. Provided I do what I am told, I do not make friends, and I buy him what he asks for. Because after all, he paid my rent for 8 months. I, like a fool, thought this was okay. As long as stupid Kanika got love from her husband. But, these were just my attempts - buying him gaming pc that costed me 2 months of salary, to buying him xboxes that he broke to shut me up, to buying him TV's that he broke to again threaten me. Like he said, I was pathetic. It's true. I might not have been a pathetic wife. But I sure as hell was a pathetic human being, who after getting hit at least on 10 different occasions, being left on 4 different occasions thought that her husband would love her. How could he? It was never a two sided love story. It was just me trying to make someone fall in love with me. A failed attempt.

After all this, after multiple visa renewals, after multiple fake promises of being together forever, after calling me a bastard, a w***e, and so many different names, he left me again last year. Am I really that bad? Do I ask too much of a person? Am I actually too clingy? Is it wrong to love and wanted to be loved? These were the questions that played in my mind for a year when I cried myself to sleep every night for 8 months when my husband did not think how will my wife complete her studies. I cried so much that the tears in my eyes died. This year in February, I again helped him in getting his visa renewed. Despite every person warning me against it, despite every bone in my body asking me not to. I still helped him. Once again thinking he would now love me.

He came to Auckland in February, and within a week took the car from me and gave it to another female. A car I helped him pay off. A car I took care of when he wasn't here. A car I could have easily transferred to my name, but chose not to. He gave it to another female because he trusted her more than he trusted me. He saw me more independent this year, stronger, and unwilling to bend in front of him. He saw me make friends who I relied on. He saw me as an amazing driver who could drive over 100km without making a mistake. He saw someone who was ambitious enough to put herself first. And he couldn't take it. He said he loved me, and then left me once again. Within 7 days. All it took was 7 days for his love to go from 100% to -100%. After reaching India, he blamed me for getting him out of the country. Once again, stupid Kanika was told she wasn't enough. She just wasn't good enough. I was written letters of hatred from his mother, sisters, aunties just to let me know that I would rot in hell because I hurt Nitin. I have loved him so much that I always thought he would come back to me. But after all these months, he asked me to send him a ticket so he could come. I refused. I have been conned enough and I know how it is when there is no one to support you. Why is it that only I had to want him? Why couldn't he want me enough to be with me?

My life might look very flash to people on the outside. It isn't. I have had days and nights when I have not slept at all. I have had to work 80 hours a week just so I could pay off my education loan that my husband promised he would help me pay off. I have done jobs just to support myself. I have managed to write a part of my thesis and completed one degree. Am I proud of myself? Yes I am. I am proud of the person I have become. I am happy I have worked hard for everything and did not con my way like Nitin did. I cannot make someone take a loan of 35 lakhs, promise to help them out, and run away. I do not have the courage to look into the eyes of a mother and promise them to love their child, and still run away leaving them in problems. Yes, I loved him. Heaps. But I love myself too. I have had months where I had no one to talk to. I was scared of talking to anyone. He ripped me off my self respect, and courage. A girl who used to be always happy started thinking if she was even good enough to be friends with. I am still scared of meeting new people. I am still apprehensive of opening up my heart to anyone. I still spend days and nights over analysing situation and myself. I ask myself everyday "will I ever be enough for someone"?

He messages me almost daily. Asking me to come back to India. He says he loves me in one text, and says I am a w***e in the next. He abuses me for not coming back to India, but says he does this because he loves me and wants to be with me. He says he wants to have a family with me. It's been 5 years since I got married. I was a small town girl who was happy with what she had. All I ever wanted was love. All I ever wanted was 2 kids and a loving husband. That's all. Did I get that? Not yet. Do I cry thinking what happened to my life? I do. When I look at kids, when I look at wives getting dressed up on karwachauth, when I see husband post a loving message on facebook, when I see a couple walking in the mall, when I want to cuddle someone in the night, yes I cry. But that's ok. These years of my life have made me the strongest version of myself.

But that hasn't stopped my heart from beating. That still hasn't stopped me in believing in a happily ever after. Maybe just one day, I might run into someone who would see the good in me. Just maybe one day, my 'divorced' status would not matter to someone. But that's a story for another day. I still believe in love. I still believe in happy endings. I still am a hopelessly romantic girl. I still am waiting patiently to fall in love once again.

In all this, I want to thank my brother, and my best friend Kriti Misra, two people who have stuck with me through thick and thin. She is not my sister, but she means more to me than my sister, and more than she would ever know!

P.S. Some people won't love you no matter what you do. And some people won't stop loving you no matter what you do!

Straight from the Heart...

Fairytales are so romantic. Each one of us has had their mum reading them bedtime stories. A beautiful princess meets her prince. The prince woos the lady. He floors her, gifts her, compliments her, makes her feel loved, they both forget everyone and everything around them- living happily ever after. And so we start living our own fairytale from childhood. Our entire life, we spend each day in pursuit of love and that one person who we can spend our life with. A life where the prince would adore his princess, where he would make her feel 'the' most important, where he would just be there for her. A life which the princess had always dreamt of.

Families in our world are crazy. Our entire life we are made to believe in love, in adoration, in respect, in happily ever afters. We are made to believe in a prince. We are made to believe by our parents that 'girls are their daddy's and mommy's princesses'. That one fine day a knight in shining armour will appear infront of them from no where and will sweep them off their feet to take them to a faraway wonderland. A wonderland where everything will be pretty and where the princess will live with his prince happily ever after.

And so we dream. We wait. We are patient. We seek. We spend each day in pursuit of love. We look around and our eyes wander looking for that one person who can be the prince. My prince. My prince who would treat me like a princess.

The prince makes the princess fall in love with him. He sweeps her off her feet. OMG, life is so beautiful. Thank God for all the years the princess waited for her prince. This is 'my' happily ever after. It finally has arrived. The prince proposes and they get married. They would make sweet love to each other, have fun together, do things that the princess has never done before, go out for lunches, dinners, around the world, meet friends, show off her prince to the world, make the world jealous of how she is so deeply loved and adored by the man of her dreams, and give birth to beautiful children, reading them the fairytale which stars their own 'parents'.

And suddenly we wake up. We wake up to the noise of doorbells, maids, utensils, in-laws, alarm clocks, microwaves, pressure cookers, crying kids, car honks. Whoa!!! This is not the sweet song in my fairytale. My fairytale was different. It was beautiful. It had sweet lullabies. It was not noisy. It was not work. It was not sleepless nights. It was not tiring. It was not this.

The princess wakes up at 6 a.m., sometimes to put on the geyser, and sometimes to open the door for the maid. The princess makes breakfast for her prince. She gets ready to go to the office, takes care of the kid, sends him/her to school, completes all her household chores, tidies the place, works her a** off in the office, works out in the gym (sometimes when she has the energy), meets friends/people, shops from the market, goes home, cooks dinner, cleans the kitchen, folds the clothes after washing, gives them for ironing, look pretty for her husband, have great sex with him even if she is tired and then maybe sleep at 1 in the night only to wake up at 6 next morning.

She does all this and more. But for what? This does not seem like a fairytale. But still she does it for her entire life. Just for one glance by her prince which says that she is loved and adored by the man she married. For those few words of appreciation which say that even if she is not perfect she is still great. For that one moment where the prince holds her in his arms just to tell her how much he loves her. For that one moment where her prince tells her that she is the prettiest lady he has ever laid his eyes on. For that one moment where he would thank her for all she does and apologise for all those moments where he has fought with her and made her feel weak and unloved. She does all this so that the prince notices that even after being imperfect, she tries hard to keep him happy. She does all this because despite her unfulfilled fairytale, she wants to live this fairytale with her prince. She does all this because she left her pampering parents and siblings to be with the man she trusted would now pamper her and take care of her.

Sometimes, Tiffanys', Chanels' and Diors' cannot do what a few kind words of appreciation can. Because someone famous once said - "There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about".

(P.S: The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live!!)

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/married.html#BTAWhFBDIsJI98cT.99

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/married.html#BTAWhFBDIsJI98cT.99

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/married.html#BTAWhFBDIsJI98cT.99

Bed(dy) Delights !!

With office hours getting late and hectic, most couples look forward to spending the weekend together. Going out, shopping, movie, clubbing etc etc is something that each one of us looks forward to. How about spending this sunday at home !! 

Weekend's near, so I thought why not give you all a few of my favorite recipes to try at home and relish them together (in bed). Easy to cook and honestly, Impeccably Delectable !!!

This one can be taken with your morning tea/coffee. I prefer taking it with Iced Tea. You can either make it at night and keep it in your refrigerator overnight, which will save you time in the morning. All you would need for this would be Monaco Biscuits, plain/crunchy Peanut Butter, Marshmallows (from your local candy store) and Nutella (calorie conscious can skip this).

Now all you have to do is, spread a layer of peanut butter on the biscuit and top it with a marshmallow. Garnish the marshmallow with a lil' bit of nutella and put it in the oven/microwave for a minute (can skip, I like the chilled version). Your Marguerites are ready.

Time for some breakfast. How about some Pasta Salad. Healthy and Luscious....

1. You would need your favorite pasta (mine is Penne). Boil it and drain it. Keep it aside to cool.

2 For making the dressing, you would need Mayonnaise (calorie conscious can buy the diet mayo, easily available), 2-3tbs of cold milk, chilli sauce (the one served with momos is the best) and 2 tbs of white vinegar. Mix all these three together to form a smooth paste. Add salt and pepper to taste.

3. Next you need is grape sized deseeded tomatoes (cut into half), boiled potatoes (can skip), boiled boneless chicken (paneer for vegetarians), boiled corn, capsicum, finely chopped basil leaves and gouda cheese cut into small cubes (you can take your fav variety) and basil leaves.

4. Add all of the above mentioned ingredients (except basil) to the boiled and cooled pasta. Mix it well. Now drizzle in the dressing. Top with lavishly with the chopped basil leaves. You can also add a few drops of lemon juice to make it tangy.

Your Pasta is ready to eat.

Lemme know if you like both of these culinary delights...

I think all you guys should give your ladies a break this weekend and surprise them with your culinary skills. Who know what she might surprise you with !!

(P.S: This weekend, stay at home and let spices and chocolates do the talking, or not !! )

Rediscovering Yourself !!!

Being a single amongst so many of your married friends does make you feel alone at times. There are times when people ask you the reason of being alone. There are times when you look at the happy couple and wonder whatever happened to your happy ending. At times, you feel as if life did take a wrong turn for you or maybe you took a wrong path. At times, when I see my closest friend putting red nail paint and baking for her husband, it does bring a tear in my eye. Not because I don't like her doing that but because I want to do the same for someone.

When I look at the photographs of a friend travelling and circling the world with her better half, it makes me see only the joys of marriage. When I look at my friend's son, him beaming with laughter, all I see is the gleam in the eyes of the parents and their love for each other. When I look at a friend putting up statuses for her husband asking him to reassure her of his love for her, I see a kid with hope in her eyes who is craving for love and I see a husband laughing at the status and bringing flowers for her.

When I look at my friend watching football matches and shouting and supporting Manchester United from the rooftops, I see a loving wife who does not understand football, cheering on top of her voice. When I see a friend working out in the gym, I see a husband who is proud of his wife. When I see a friend fighting over the phone complaining about how little time her husband gives her, I see a husband wanting to take his wife out for dinner and holding her hand, walking on the dimply lit street.

When I see a friend crying, I see the husband kissing her forehead, holding her tight and putting her head on his shoulder. When I see a couple fighting, I see them walking up to each other in the midst of the night because they do not want to be alone. When I see a couple working hard, I see their commitment to be with each other, their undying love for each other.

When I see a friend going out shopping with her husband, I see the husband nagging but still offering suggestions to her because he'd rather be with her nagging than be somewhere else without her. When I see a couple ignoring each other, I see two people dying inside to go hug the other person and say 'I am sorry'. When I see a couple not talking to each other after a fight, I see two people wanting to rush to the other one and kiss them.

I've heard people saying that marriage changes you. And I have heard people telling me that marriage changes you, for good. People say it's a fight. I say what in life is not a fight. Each day we are struggling with our own insecurities, some of which break us. What better way to fight those insecurities than with a person who loves you and wants to share each passing day of their life with you. Marriage does not fall apart. It's when two people give up on each other, marriage seems like a burden.

We fight with our parents, our siblings almost daily. But we don't give up on them because we love them and the thought of being away from them scares us. A good relationship is like your career. You have to put in effort, start from the scratch, take courses, keep yourself updated, willing to stay up all night because you want to impress, slog it out until you've got it right, complain and nag at times, but still love it. Just like you make it far from an Executive to the Director in the course of your career, you do the same in your marriage, with a lot of  love, a lot of honesty and an equal amount of understanding. It is only when we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.

(P.S: Love in marriage should be the accomplishment of a beautiful dream, and not, the end !!)


  

Crisis Of Masculinity !!!

Just when we were mourning over the loss of the lives of 20 children in Connecticut, and if that wasn't enough for a while, we are presented with another shocker. We can install as many CCTV's as we want, we can preach the females to dress up properly (I have absolutely no clue what that means) as much as we would like, we could instill values in our kids from the time they are born, we can listen to our politicians giving free speeches on national TV or we could ask women to stay within the confines of their homes all day long (why make it post 8 too!). But we cannot help but ask ourselves that one question which we all fear asking: Where are we headed as a society??

We have taught our women and even expect them to work as equals with men. We expect them to be self sufficient and independent. We expect them to be well educated and go-getters. But all this and more before 8p.m in the night and in clothes that do not provoke perverts. Because, we as a nation of more than a million people cannot stop men from raping women.

How as a society we grew so advanced in producing rapists and heinous men? How did we advance to a level where we have become normalized towards tolerating such appalling crimes against females? Why do we expect women to be bold and confident which in turn promotes a sense of insecurity and instability in men? Why does the sight of a young smartly-dressed educated female generate a sense of displacement in men? Why do women always have to appear vulnerable to a man's eye or she would be made to see an agitated male deprived of his masculinity? Why is it that we are unable to answer a deeply rooted societal problem? 

We can formulate laws and publicly execute the ones responsible for such hideous acts. We can light candles at India Gate to fast track such cases. We can post status updates and we can forward chain letters to the Chief Minister. We can also write blog posts about it or we can shout from rooftops about the incapabilities of our government to punish the criminals. We can advocate and preach our women to be safe and take precautions when travelling alone or in groups. We can do all this and more. But the fact remains: will these acts stop producing rapists in our society? Will this help us feel safe in our so called male dominated society?

More laws will only give us a false sense that something is being done, when very little is being done. We need to move forward as a society and have to stop looking at women empowerment as a threat to mankind. We need to stop raising sons with a false sense of superiority and being the privileged one. Because we can punish the accused in this case but what happens to the physical violence and rapes committed by men daily in the confines of their homes.

It is time for us to recognize how we as a society are implicated in producing the very individuals who are perpetrating such repulsive crimes against women, and to start taking responsibility for bringing it to an end.

(P.S: So many Gods, so many creeds. So many paths that wind and wind. While just the art of being kind is all this sad world needs!!)

Is Trust Truly Timeless !!!

Life they say is touch and go. You sometimes miss it even with the blink of an eye. And sometimes you are so engrossed in it that you do not see the other things around you. Things that might not hold importance but they end up hurting you.

Trust, a five letter word, but something that my dad said, takes years to build and seconds to ruin. But he also added one thing to this: we live in a society where breaking trust is considered more invigorating than building it. Who the hell cares about spending years to build it!!

In times of instant messaging and mails on the move, who has time to spend in getting to know someone, waste more time on building relationships when one can happily go ahead and have a drink at a bar and get picked up. Or better still, build relationships where your friend ends it with someone. Easy to pick, no time required to be wasted in getting to know them 'coz you already are aware of everything, leaves you with no guilt 'coz your friend's relationship with that person is over. You just happened to be there at the right place and at the right time (or so you think).

Two best friends since childhood, spent majority of their lives happily shopping, talking, eating, relaxing, dancing, singing and a lot of other things that made them happy. They went to the same school, ate the same stuff, wore similar clothes, had a lot of common friends, and moreover nothing could break the bond they shared. It was a fairytale written by angels themselves.

As time flew by, they both started growing young. Although a lot similar, they grew up to be a lot different. They still liked to hang out together, still ate similar food, still wore similar clothes, shared everything with each other 'coz it made them happier. They used to be happy seeing the other one happy. When they smiled, the world smiled with them. Proud daughters of their parents, they were 'love and bonding personified'. They excelled in everything they did. If one excelled in studies, the other fared equally well in extra curricular. If one was daddy's daughter, the other was the 'apple of her mother's eye'. Everyone around them was inspired to be like them.

They went to diiferent cities to pursue their education. They spoke over gtalk and skype for as long as 4 in the morning. Sometimes, even wrote letters to each other on pink, musk and vanilla flavored letter sheets in colored and sparkle pens which they knew the other would treasure for life. They missed being with each other. But with all India free calling, they knew which prepaid connection to take. When they were not skyping, there were texting. It became a routine for them . Keeping the other updated about their life in a different city. They discussed the men in their lives with as much interest as they discussed operations management. They discussed make-up as if they were discussing God of small things by Arundhati Roy. They were happy that the exams were done away with and they would be finally together. Just like old times.

And they finally met after spending 2 years apart. They still were a house on fire until they moved to different cities to work. Though the time they spent together reduced considerably, they still loved each other. They saw a lot of twists and turns in life during the next 1 year. One of them (lets call her S) broke up with her boyfriend of a few years. The other one (lets call this one A) was there trying to make her happy; taking her out shopping, dining, salons etc etc. 'A' was being the nicest one could imagine. The boyfriend was history by now. 'S' felt better, looked better and was able to work better. But something had changed. Something, 'S' couldn't figure out. Something that put a wall between the two of them. Something which made them drift apart.

What could it be? 'S' wished she could put a finger on it. She wished she could undo time. She wished she could see through her. She wished she could relive those moments with her. She wished they could be best friends again. She wished they could talk endlessly again. She wished she had never gone away from her. She blamed herself for whatever had gone wrong. Little did she know that her best friend, her soulmate, her younger sister 'A' was dating her ex boyfriend.

Guilt free and no holds barred, 'A' did everything that could break one's trust in the bond of sisterhood. Everything that goes against the sanctity of the relationship. Trust and honesty is an investment you put in people. I put all my investment in you. You chose to value your investments more than mine. Trust, a five letter word, which takes years to build and seconds to ruin.

(P.S.: I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you!!)