Maa Tujhe Salaam !!!

I remember coming back home from school one fine afternoon, crying. I was not only crying, I was making my parents promise that they would never send me to the school again. It was a place where I got scolded and was made to work, when I didn't want to. All I wanted to do was sit next to the cute guy in the class and play, sing songs and share my lunch box. I was hugged and put to sleep.

One night I remember waking up from a bad dream and found myself weeping. I do not remember what I dreamt about. What I remember is that I was hugged and put to sleep again.

I fought with my best friend in college. I do not remember the reason but I remember coming back home and shouting on top of my voice and then crying again. I did not want to fight. It just happened and I did not know what to do. I do not remember why I fought and now I do not even remember who I fought. I remember being hugged and given a smile that made me feel better and at ease.

I scored low in a subject and I was scared. I couldn't have scored low. I studied hard for it. I worked so much on the tests. I put in 16 hours of study on the subject. How could this have happened to me. But it did. I do not remember what subject was it and what did I score in it. But I remember being motivated and I remember being told 'hard work pays off and I need not base my self worth on the basis of the marks I scored.' I remember being told I could do better and I remember being kissed on the forehead.

I fell ill and I blacked out. I fell off the stairs and I hurt myself. I cried endlessly. I do not remember when this happened and how ill I was. But I remember being put in my bed and taken care of. I remember being hugged and tended to.

I started working and I loved it. I starting loving my work and was given more work. I started hating the work load and people around. I whined and nagged. I cribbed and sniveled. I do not remember what work made me hate my work. I do not remember what did I whine about. But I remember being asked to calm down and take up activities that make me feel better. I remember being comforted and consoled. I remember being asked to quit if I wanted to. 

I loved and I lost. I cried and was exhausted. I hated the world. I hated myself. I do not remember why I loved so much and why did I cry so much. But I remember being told that I deserve someone better. I remember being told that it's destiny's way of saying you deserve to be loved more and to love more. I remember being taken into arms that would never leave me and put to sleep in the lap of the person holding me.

I lost four people I loved dearly. I was heartbroken, shattered and crushed. I was let down by people I cared for the most. I was being pulled down and was falling apart. I do not remember how I felt at that moment. I do not remember how I pulled myself back together. But I remember being told that I am strong and I will make through this like everything else. I remember being hugged and told that I am tougher than the situation itself.

I do not remember how I grew up to be this strong. I do not remember the source of my strength for surviving setbacks. I do not remember my source of inspiration. I do not remember my origin. I do not remember my mistakes. I do not remember being put down. I do not remember crying to sleep. I do not remember sadness. But I remember moments.

I remember being happy. I remember being euphoric. I remember laughing in splits. I remember being held. I remember being kissed. I remember being hugged. I remember sleeping comfortably. I remember the source of my laugh lines. I remember the wild child that I was. I remember being pampered and I remember being at ease. I remember my maker. I remember my mom.

I might not remember most people and situations I have been through in life. But I remember each day when I was hugged by my mother and inspired to move ahead in life. I might not be a perfect daughter but I couldn't have asked for a more perfect mother.

Alice Walker once said, “In search of my mother's garden, I found my own.”

(P.S: When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.)

From Boys To Men !!!

Fluttering eyelashes, a cute lil' smile, coyness in the way one talks, demureness in the way one walks, the shyness in the laughter, the glance over the shoulder to look for someone, the puppy eye look on the face and weirdness written all over. But this was then.

Confident in every possible manner, from boldness in the way one talks to chic in the way one looks, from being independent to being self reliant, from being a sexy bit*h to a naughty damsel, from being hot to being a 'girl next door', from working full time to cooking full time, from being a partner to being a mother; the journey for a lady hasn't been easy.

Just last night I was having a conversation ( a meaningless at that) with an old school friend of mine. From wanting or desiring the hottest looking female with a bit*hy attitude then (read school), boys have come off age. Not only they drooled over every sexy female in school making all the efforts to bag the chick, they made every possible attempt to make this fact known after their efforts paid off. After all, who doesn't like winning the trophy !!

10 years hence and the same guy would or is looking for someone who has the calmest demeanor and looks that say 'take me home'. From someone who not only understands him when he speaks out loud to someone who knows how to read the unwritten and hear the unspoken. From carrying herself with elegance to managing the house without whining. From looking like a trophy wife to his friends to behaving like a sexy siren with him. From being patient to being kind, from being hot to being cool, from being religious to being a goddess.

This made me question the changing dynamics of a relationship. What he said didn't surprise me much. In school he would have wanted someone who could manipulate people and lie on the face with an 'in-your face' attitude. Someone who other guys would drool over. Someone who would smoke a pot and could be bedded easily. Someone who wouldn't want a serious relationship. Someone who every guy would want.

But when it comes to men his age (post 25), they want someone who is willing to give it all to a relationship. Someone who drinks up and still behaves like a lady with class. Someone who is honest and non manipulative. Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly.  Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need. Women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

Though this conversation didn't surprise me much, it still feels good to know that men will always be men. They would never know who they want, what they want until the right one comes along and tells them that 'he is what she wants'.

(P.S: Someone in his right state of mind once said, "being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.")

First Impressions !!

Unlike the most of you, I am not that great at first impressions. More so, if it's someone I am meeting for the first time. Doubly so, if I want to be nice around him/her. Triply so, if I like him/her. Quadruple it, if I want him/her to like me. As much as I hate it, I cant avoid it. From acting weird to being nervous, from being all sweaty to constantly looking around, from laughing to making funny faces, it jus' seems to worsen.

I am sure most of you like me love making first impressions, good ones at that. But in some situations where you really have no control over your actions and expressions, do we write off people based on a nervous first impression? Do they matter so much that we completely change our outlook towards the person? Do we ourselves always end up making the best possible first impressions? Can't we be too quick to judge? Did we even make an attempt to make the other person feel comfortable? Lastly and the most important, do first impressions change? Is it possible that you can go back and make a first impression again?

There are numerous articles on the web stating the importance of first impressions. From being confident to being polite, from being respectful to being nice (I still haven't been able to define nice), from dressing appropriately to making a checklist of things to talk about (where were all of these articles when my first impression went wrong), from talking about your likes and dislikes to maintaining calmness in what you do and how you act. From controlling your body language to maintaining eye contact, from being courteous to smelling good. Pheewwww !!!

Reading all is good. Sticking to the basics of making lasting first impressions better. Being yourself, even if that means being a lil' nervous, anxious, apprehensive, shaky and twitchy isn't all that bad either. Because then you are being you. And if that's the worst side of you, the better side can sweep someone off their feet (too filmy again, its the effect of watching too many movies these days).

On a more serious note, we all love to make ever lasting, wonderful first impressions. Showcasing our best side, our top notch vocabulary, our common interests and likes, dressing to impress and making conversation that would make the other person completely fall for you. But I remember learning all of this during my soft skills classes during my MBA. What we were not taught was that we could go wrong and falter. What we were also not taught was ways to correct them. What we were forgotten to be told was that in an attempt to create a better impression, you might create a bad second impression.

Just as looks are deceptive and we all want people to like us, do not worry about making bizarre first impressions because impressive first impressions can be practiced and rehearsed. Jus' go out and be yourself. If being nervous is the worst side of you, you sure as hell would be great at your best side. And as I always say, we all are weird, some all the times, some a lot of times and some never. But when you find that weird person who's compatible with your weirdness, that's when you know that first impressions are really just a result of you being vulnerable.

I guess my parents too said it around 27 years ago that our girl is weird, but look we've stuck around forever now. Sometimes you might discover it was "The One" who almost got away because you were too quick to judge. And we do tend to believe our worst reviews when it comes to love and life !!

(P.S: I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it !!)

The Key To Your Heart !!!

Some call it an institution. Some have experienced bliss in it. Some play it very cool. Some are stuck in it for the sake of other people. Some are too much dependent on it for their own happiness. And for most of us, it's important at some point or the other. I haven't been through it myself but I have seen people experiencing various moods while in or out of it: melancholy, discontent, happiness, distress, ecstasy, regret and a lot more than I can ever name. I have most often been told by most people around me that it is a gamble, which a lot of us play only once and the lucky ones get to play it more than once in one lifetime. I do not need to elaborate further on what I am talking about. Marriage might have been called by many as an end to your freedom but for me it is an accomplishment of love and not an end to it.

In the morning a friend of mine was talking to me about a girl who he doesn't want to marry but is not willing to let go off what they share: bedroom, shopping excursions, a social status (which apparently you have when you are dating, 'coz if you aren't then you are no more the cool guy or the hot chick....sigh !!), the dinner dates at home, someone to share your problems with, a shoulder to cry on and not to mention the free s*x that just comes with it. But when it comes to marriage, he cannot take a leap in that direction b'coz of many reasons that I found unworthy of mentioning here. Even if I felt like giving him a piece of my mind, I chose to ignore and listen. But one piece of advice Mr Jerk, when it comes to relationships of the heart, one shouldn't be too careful about everything and careless about nothing.

Arranged or love, we all seem to have our own perspectives on each one of them. Some who are willing to settle down for love think they have nothing to lose but for the others, there's a lot at stake. One of my closest friend who's getting married soon always wanted to marry for love but as luck would have it, she 's been chosen to find love after getting hitched. There's a crazy concept that we all believe in: Destiny. Whenever something doesn't go as planned, we choose to blame it on our fate. And because it was predestined to happen, we could have done nothing about it.

This brings me to the thought that what if because you could not do anything, you are stuck in a loveless and lifeless marriage. Would it be called destiny then? Would we blame our stars for not making it work? Would we then move on and take a leap in other direction? Would we then call our parents to our rescue? Would we then call it our ill fate? Would we then sacrifice our life for the happiness of others? Would a marriage that could have been an epic novel end as a short story?

Any marriage just like any other relationship goes through rough patches. For some these patches last longer than expected and for some less than 24 hrs. I have seen people living happily ever after, and a few never even wanting to see each other months after getting married. I am no advocate on a list of things to make a marriage work but for a start give it all you've got and don't hold back. When one can prepare the answers to the questions in an exam, muster the art of cooking by practicing, run marathons by putting in all the effort, make ourselves look impeccable by spending hours in front of the mirror, marriage doesn't seem that big of a deal to me.

Live in the moment and remember at one point or the other, romance will give way to reality and that's when you'll know what to do.

(P.S: Everyone thinks they know so goddamned much about everything and no one knows f**k all about anything !!)

Beautiful Stranger !!!

Off late, my travel to one of my favorite places (read Delhi) has become quite frequent and so the frequency of meeting normal, more than normal and the normallest (for the lack of a better word) people has also become a recurrent phenomena. Though my favorite mode of commuting remains my own car, but the over congested Delhi roads do not permit me zooming around in that. No brownie points for guessing my second favorite mode of commuting; its the Metro !!

Working (the most tired lot who wants to grab a seat ASAP), non-working (the me kinds), school kids, Rajouri Garden like decked up chicks (that's a word me and my friend coined for over dressed females, who only want to show off their MAC cosmetics and their oh-so glamorous pick from their local boutique) and kitty party aunties (I can't take my eyes off them at times), leechers (who roam around in the metro for not missing that one chance of hooking up with any random chick and use "Will you Fraanship me...Ouch!!). Last but not the least, the grannies of yesteryears and tomorrow (who travel because they have to meet some relative or the other. Bahut din ho gaye mile hue). These grannies are the best. Unlike the leechers, they have no problem attracting and wooing people around. They come up with the best possible pick-up lines describing their daughter-in-laws and son-in-laws. My dear grannies, if your daughter-in-law and son-in-law, who your respective son and daughter married are so hare-brained, why are you so blind eyed towards people who listen to your conversation with the next random granny and laugh at you.

Anyways, my ride in the Metro has never been non exciting. From being offered seats by super cute guys to random guys making passes through their eyes which are always covered in a duplicate of RayBan from the local flee market. From aunties who start questioning about my whereabouts because they find something nice in me (I will leave the description of that something nice) to females walking up to enquire about the brand of my handbag. From uncles who look like stalkers and glare at you as if you are their lost and found daughter to kids who start shouting around you to make you more (un)comfortable than you already are.

But in all this rush around you, you sometimes end up meeting people who you wouldn't have met otherwise. Atleast not in bars and clubs you hang out at. Or at your favorite Italian eatery. With a Vaio laptop bag in his hand, wearing a Hilfiger blue T-shirt and a blackberry in his hand, he had the looks one would die for. Not getting into a more detailed description of Mr X, he caught my attention because he was standing jus' next to me. Ok, he had a cute smile too. I have a track record of not meeting cute guys in the Metro. I had heard people telling me that they did but I didn't ever, not until now. This was a first for me, so in my mind I already had hit the Jackpot. Elated, ecstatic and all smiles I was 10 stations away from my desired destination. Not that I am a teenager who would have fluttering butterflies in the stomach at this age but come on cute guys do make your heart skip a beat (ok, that was too filmy). 3 stations and he still didnt get down. Maybe our destination was the same. I smiled as I thought about this.

2 more stations and still no word and still standing there, he was looking out the window. Well chiseled jaw line made him look raw and pretty. I was 5 stations away from my destination and 3 steps away from the uber cute guy and just a minute away from a disaster (more on that later). Mr X was in no mood to get down from the Metro, I thought. What if we are going to the same place after all (which was not even a remote possibility). 2 stations away from my destination and he looked at me and smiled that cute smile of his. I bbmed a friend that the cute guy smiled and he advised me to start some random conversation. Bad as I am at random conversations, I pulled myself together and decided that maybe I should. What's the harm, I asked myself. I bbmed my friend and asked him to advice me on what to talk about. Whatever he advised me to do, I couldn't and I decided I wouldn't. I hate random conversations at random places.

1 station was all I was left with. It was now or never. I chose now for a change. But as luck would have it, we both got down at the same South Delhi station. My 'Now' by now had taken the shape of 'Never'. As we moved out of the Metro station, there was a girl standing outside the station to meet him. The guy smiled at me again and for a change I smirked at him. I didnt want him to be with this girl. Sure enough she was pretty, but I wanted to talk to him. Just as these thoughts were crossing my mind, the guy went over to the girl and slapped him twice. Woah !! He was shouting on her for a reason I wouldn't even want to mention here. What a moron !! I was thanking God that my never remained a never.

My Dear Men, raising your hand on females is not an indication of your strength. It is an indication of how weak you are in situations you have no control over. Or even if you have control, you choose to take over the situation by showcasing your muscle strength rather than your mental balance. What you do in the name of love is not love. It is a crime. You men look the other way just because you have not experienced domestic violence with your own flesh.

(P.S: In our society, the emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: 'It's a girl' !!)