Perfectly Essential !!!

Lying in our bed, making near perfect scenarios in life is something that all of us love to do. Thinking through the past, embracing our present and priming ourselves to clinch our 'magical and perfect' future. In an era, where we all are living an exhaustive life, working not so passionately in jobs most of us love to hate (however perfect that may be), waiting in vain for the weekend to arrive, drowing ourselves in alcohol and musical nights and waking up the next morning with a gloomy face all over again.

What is it with us that we love to strive for the perfect boss, perfect outfit, perfect meal, perfect weekend, perfect friend, perfect spouse, perfect relationships, perfectly made up faces, perfect work life, perfect personal life: In short 'A Perfectly Perfect Life.'

We all today work like machines, with alarm clocks waking us up early morning, followed by a hasty shower, festinating through our breakfast, driving our way through a maddening traffic in an attempt to reach the most imperfect place where we work to accomplish the most perfectly imagined life. If all this wasn't enough, we all have that awesome habit of nit-picking and cribbing about almost everything that begins the very minute we wake up and goes on till the time our brain does not order us to sleep.

High cholestrol, high blood pressure, strokes, anxiety disorders have become commoners amongst all of us. The word that for me sums this up, is STRESS!! Un-objective, undefined and often personal, it is that single factor that wraps around human nature like a frightening charm. Are we genetically inclined towards being so stressed? In an attempt to make everything look perfect, aren't we all giving up on the small and important things in life which bring to us more happiness amongst others.

I am sure almost all of us have people around us who constantly talk about the negative aspects of life. Life could be this and life could be that, her life is perfect, mine is not even close to it, if only I had a job like hers, if only I was married by this age, if only I was dating this guy, if only I could be 5 kgs lighter, if only I had that outfit, if only I had that much money, if only I owned that car, if only I knew my purpose of existence, if only my friends and family would understand me, if only I could go to this place.....phewww!! Looks like the purpose of the existence of this person is endless nagging. Or wait, don't we all do this at one point in time or the other!!

Rather than working towards and attempting to make our imperfect life perfect, we make our perfect life imperfect by such complaining. Each magazine or newspaper you pick up, has atleast one article which teaches us in numerous possible manner the means and ways to deal with stress. I wish I knew how to deal with it myself.

Commit to yourself, take interest in things you enjoy, steer clear of people who send out negative vibes, trust your instinct and not people's, take out that guy/girl you have been in awe of, exercise daily no matter what (a 30 minute walk can do wonders), stop comparing your life to others, love your job (after all it pays all your EMI's), go get a chocolate/seaweed spa done at your local salon, go shopping (do not come back empty handed to avoid being stressed out), talk to random people (you never know who you end up meeting), donate (trust me this works), go on a vacation with your loved ones, read a book, watch a movie, cook, get a dog.....and the list goes on. Choose what you believe in and that will anyways keep you happy.

My dad once told me that one should not look back on life and think 'I wish I had given this a chance.' Go give it a shot because if you don't, you will never know how it feels. A lot of people may say its easier said than done but what I know is that most of the times we create our own reasons for happiness. Stay ahead and keep smiling, you never know who falls in love with it.

People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

Someone once said, "Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it !!"

(P.S: Dear B, if you hadn't done what you'd done, I would never have become wise enough to take the right decision. A big hug to you!!)

Memoirs Of Adoration !!!

Ever wondered what relationships are all about and how much of an effect do they have on us?? We all want to live in that close knit, bonded circle of friends and family where we feel safe, where we can be ourselves, where we are loved, where we feel connected, where we laugh, where we hurt each other but never let go.

In a pretentious world where at one point in time we all get tired of faking superficial relationships, we definitely miss the ones who cared about us. It's on a daily basis that I hear people talking about letting go, moving on and it's over. But do we really get over the ones who had once been, if not the reason for our existence but the reason for happiness in our lives while we existed. Easier said than done !!

How can one let go of the laughs you shared, the tears you wiped off from each others' eyes, the yelling you did to show that you care, the time you spent together to show that you belonged together, the hours spent talking, the long walks taken, the miles covered, the chocolates shared together, the nights spent thinking about each other, the mornings spent waking each other up, holding hands to jus' be there, caring and sharing each living moment!! How can one forget or erase the memories you made together??

Every day I come across at least one prson who posts a status that talks about moving on, I talk to atleast one person who thinks letting go is the essence of future, I argue with atleast one person daily that getting over is a phrase that sounds good but how do you get over your own reason for happiness? Doesn't that mean that you are giving up on your own happiness just in a quest of getting over???

I have always been perplexed by this whole idea of past and future. People say you can erase the memories of your past from the life you have lived for the life you want to live. I say how can you forget your childhood and those growing up years which taught you how to walk? Would we ever be able to forget what we have learned in our lives? I am often told that when your past has been cruel and rough, it becomes easy to forget it. I say when it has been bitter, it is more difficult to repress it. Take out a moment and think of that one instance when you were scolded by your parent (s). I am very sure we all can recall atleast 3-4 of them. People also say that those bitter moments are the defining moments of a person's life. I then say if those were the defining moments of your life, doesn't it become the cradle of your life???

We all come across people who leave imprints on our minds, in our hearts and on us. They would make you cry, would make you laugh even more, care for you more than they would care about themselves, love you like no one would have ever loved you before, hurt you but will still hold you close, lie to you but only if that would be for your sake, cry for you and would suffocate you with their love. These are the people who should never let go off in your life. Because once you let go of them, they aren't coming back and what you are left with are memories that wouldn't make you laugh.

I, here, will share a quote very close to my heart:
Memory can glean, but can never renew. It brings us joys faint as is the perfume of the flowers, faded and dried, of the summer that is gone.

(P.S: I am a miser of my memories of you and will not spend them!!)



 

To Say Or Not To Say !!!

Most people who are into relationships would swear on being all truthful to their partners. Never hiding a fact, sharing their fantasies, giving a low down on their splendid lives, basically sharing absolutely everything and anything or making them believe that they share everything. That gets me to thinking how much is too much in relationships? Do you 'tell-all' in a relationship?

Most men would often tell their girlfriend/wife to share their most intimate secrets with them, which in turn would give them a sneak peek into their world. True or untrue, reality or fantasy: they seem to want to know it all. Going nude for yourself is one thing but baring it all even to your partner, another. How many men are willing to share the wild dreams/fantasies of their better halves? How much are we willing to let our guard down to a person we are so madly in love with? Is it better to hide our emotions and lead a make belief life? Is it advisable to keep revitalizing the relationship with pretentious and oh-so non existent attitude of ours?

Most men live in a make belief world. A make belief world that they themselves and we create for them. A world where everything seems to run smooth. A world where we run over our true selves to make them happy. A world where lies and deception win over sincerity. A world which is stranger than fiction itself!!

Physical intimacy forms a major part of any relationship, any normal relationship. Most of us would have at one point in time or the other fantasized about other men and a lot of men about other women. But does that mean that we do not love our partners? Is it the social dogma that stops us from sharing our most exclusive secrets with our partners? Or is it the fear of being judged and labelled?

A man of discernment would know the difference between right and wrong, reality and fantasy. But not always. Though we all want to be ourselves with people we love, what happens when it comes to sharing our darkest secrets and desires? Though we want them to laugh over our silly notions, what happens when the bouts of laughter turn into your worst nightmares? Though we want them to have a sneak peek into our lives, what happens when we are rejected and ejected from their lives after that?

Most men would want us to tell-all in a relationship. Most women would differ on that. There are things that are better left unsaid than unleash the devilish side of yours which never seem to go down with men well enough. We all want to revel in the closeness of our relationships and hiding that trifling side of our diabolic/wicked life does not seem like a lot to offer up for the one we love. Because no one really said we have to give up on that. For that we all have our 2 A.M girlfriends!!

Someone once rightly said,"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living and if they are of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies."

(P.S: Fantasies are substitutes for unpleasant reality and not the present pleasant life!!)

Pyaar Ka Sahi Panchnama !!!

Jus' today morning, a colleague of mine who is slated to get married soon was talking to another male friend of his about the number of likes he got on a Facebook Status. The status said, " All girls are devils and my wife is the queen of all." What laugh you guys had on that!!
Another guy who is not slated to get married and does not even have a girlfriend has his own understanding of the female sodality. All females are alike. They are downright sweet in the beginning and after a while you get to see their true side (read devilish side).

A recent movie augmented this side of the male species. Everyone attributes the generalisation of the females to that one movie. The movie not only showcases the females in distaste but has stooped down to the level of showing all the females in a similar light.
Get over it Guys!! It was just a MOVIE!!!

You call, we answer and when we tell you we are busy, you throw us questions like: Really? (we can't be busy or what), why? (because I work too), what are you doing? (gossiping duh!!), when will you be free? (if you don't know then how am I supposed to), shall I call back in an hour? (how can I answer that right now). But ofcourse when we call you, you, first, are busy, we arent supposed to ask you 'when will you be free?' or if you had your lunch because that means we are being clingy. But guess what we call because we care.

You guys go to the market and enter one shop and buy everything you want. Don't you understand that you guys only wear t-shirts-jeans or shirts-jeans/trousers!! And one more thing, you know why do we spend so much time at the shopping malls because you certainly wouldn't like us dressed in a tee and jeans all the time. You like us dressed in skirts, shorts, capris, dresses, halters, spaghettis and much more. Shopping for all this requires time. You have standard sizes in the clothing you buy. Guess what, we don't!!

You know why do we mix and match stuff that you think is girly because again we care. Care about having your mates come over. Care about the way our rooms look like. Care about cleanliness. Care about you having to live in tasteful and organized environment. We do not do it only for ourselves.

You hate it when we ask you to cancel your plans with your guy friends but again guess what?? Our plans of going out with you have to be in sync with your plans because obviously us going out anywhere doesnt really have to be more than a shopping excursion or a gossiping session. But by the way, are yours about business dealings and new ventures that you plan to carry out in future??? And we thought it's about guzzling beers, listening to hard rock and gaping at leggy lasses!!! Sorry about that!!

We remember everything you say when we fight and drag that incident everywhere. Only if you wouldn't shut your mouth, ears,eyes and the room while talking about it the very first time we wouldn't do that. Solve the problem when it first arises.

You hate it when we talk about other guys. So what if he is worth the praise? So what if he deserves it? He can't be better than you. But we love it when you praise the other girls, adore you when you go on and on about your exes and damn we worship you when you fixate your eyes on a girl's cleavage and her worked out and shapely legs.

You hate it when we spend so much of time getting dressed. So why don't you date someone who can't spell perfume, who doesnt trim her hair, doesnt spend hours in the salon getting herself waxed to look all appealing to you, doesnt go through the painful threading sessions, has hands and feet that would perfectly depict life in a 'jungle', works full time, and yes who can still look attractive like that!! Why do you want us dressed up nicely and impeccably when it comes to meeting your friends and family? Why can't you take us in our trackpants and a tee? Trust me, we love that too!!

Ohh yeah, you hate tears, our tears to be precise. We hate it too. You can't see us crying but we have to go through the tortorous hours of consoling you and listening to you going on and on about your worthless and two faced boss. But we still do it because as I said we care about you.

Yes, we are hopelessly romantic and expect you to show some concern when it comes to matters of the heart. You do not like us playing mind games with you. We don't either. We spend time and energy in a relationship not because tomorrow you come to us and tell us that you have started liking someone else. You guys are afraid of commiting. Well, in that case why don't you learn to live on your own? Why do you still want a chick in your life?

Girls are a waste of time and money because 'sab ek jaisi hoti hain.'

Well you guys were kind enough to generalise the female fraternity. Lemme be cruel and let you know that all of us, the generalised females, do not universalize men. We still have belief in a lot of you and yes not only exceptions are always there but yes we do believe in happy endings.

Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

(P.S: I still love my favorite sex so it's a truce!!!)

That Doesn't Impress Me Much !!!

Let's start this one by looking around us. Across the desk, cubicle, room, department, city, state, country and even the farthest end. Look around! We all will find people, known or unknown to us, liked or disliked by us, loved or hated (too strong) by us, adored or pampered by us, some who we love to care about and a few with whom we want to share a part of us, plenty to hang out with, few we love to love and few we love to cry with, and fewer who are a part of us!!!

How did we meet these people? Destiny? Fate? Luck? Karma? Kismat? Circumstances? Or mere good fortune? Whatever it was, it sure leaves us with a lot of memories, a few good ones and a fewer bad ones, some we love to cherish, some we try to forget, plenty of them make us cry and a handful of them love to make us cry and happy at the same time. But do we ever realise what is common amongst all the people who we meet in our entire lifetime? A few of us do and a few of us just cherish having those people in our lives.

Just like you all, I too have met a lot of people in my delightful and difficult journey of life. The commonality amongst all of them: they never ceased to leave the First Impressions. All of them came with them, not leaving even a single one out, giving my twisted mind no time for repose. Some were charming, some were total jerks, a few of them were just too right and the other few just too wrong, rare ones who I love to love, plenty of them who never leave my side, a negligible amount of them bring out the murderous side in me and a sgnificant number of them form a part of my being.

Amongst those people who I cherish having in my life, there is a friend of mine who I hated on the first sight. He looked like a bandit from 'Aaj ka gundaraaj' movie, wearing a black thread around his neck, a thick bracelet on his left wrist and dressed in clothes which would even give 'The Gangster' a run for his money. I just hated him. That's the thing about first impressions. We either hate them or love them, there is no midway. And now?? He has not only been there for me but I can blindly trust him. He is the sweetest friend who I will always love to have in my life.

With each person who is a part of our life, we all love to play our roles too well with them and the best part is that at most times we get away with them. Most people who I love to call my friends or who I can rely on or who have the guts to say anything on my face, which I like tolerating are the ones who left a very bad first impression. A guy who I met randomly tops the list. I hated him when he first spoke to me. I mean he did not even know me properly to make that kind of statements. And now I wish I could just go hug him and tell him how much of an unspoken and unasked change he has brought in my life.

Never be afraid to let yourself down because if you do not let yourself down, someone else will. That hurts more. Never loath yourself for leaving a bad first impression (unless ofcourse its an interview) because first impressions usually do not last. Do not play your role too well, let your guard down and for once stop being finicky about saying the right things because it's only when you say the wrong things, you take the first step towards being youself.

Someone once said, "You can create a good impression on yourself by being right, but for creating a good impression on others there's nothing to beat being totally and catastrophically wrong."

(P.S: Sabu, you are one hell of a guy and Mr X, you are the turning and high point in my life !! Thank you both for being there.)

Miscalculated Rejuvenator !!!

Eavesdropping on the conversation, checking in on your partner's tweets/comments every 10 minutes (or maybe less), demanding a daily agenda from him/her, deciding on what he/she should wear, lecturing him/her on his/her possessions, keeping a detailed account of his/her minutes and seconds as well, vying to get his/her attention all the time and getting a detailed list of all his/her calls each month.

Scary?? I am sure it is. But true to the core. A lot of us would have come across such relationships: ours or the ones our friends have. People talk about personal space in a relationship but when we give way to a relation in our life, aren't we ourselves reducing the circumference of the personal space? Though the above mentioned account will make anyone scream for help, but what exactly is it that makes people stoop down (for the lack of better word) to such nightmarish attempts? When does insecurity starts to take place in a relation that should be about commitment and bonding? In an attempt to be possessive, most people end up intensifying the distance between two people, giving way to a lot of unwanted personal space.

I personally know of a person who was in a relationship with a girl for over three years. But when it came to dating other females for fun, it did not seem to bother him at all. From dating for fun to sleeping around, from showering his girlfriend with all possible love to not attending her calls for as long as a week, from being scared of commitment to professing his undying love for all the females that he was dating, from being there all the time to nowhere in sight, INFIDELITY was the name of the game!!

I do not know how many of you have seen Unfaithful but I am sure most us have seen Murder. Even after having a nearly perfect partner, what is it in people that steers them towards merely a looker? Why is the care and affection taken for granted? Why is it that people are always on a lookout for 'something better'?
There will always be a time in a relationship where there will be other things that will take over love, but that is just phase and it needs to be rekindled.

Remember melting into sheer gooey chocolate, being able to hear the blood sing in your veins, having your heart leap into your throat? That lightness of step and body? That thrill? The tingling of your fingernails? All this and more at just the sight of your loved one! When time seems to fly and hours become seconds? When you live for the next meeting, and, when the sound of the loved one's voice feels like drops of rain on parched desert sand.

Infidelity might seem like fun in the beginning but it does take an emotional toll on a person. What with leaving your partner for the other person, which one can't be too sure about. Such a relationship might offer stimulation and excitement but not without a price. The reasons for cheating on a partner might differ but it sure isn't a license to cheat. Romance is deception and we all live in that dream world of deception. Most of us would want that to be intact rather than coming face to face with our worst fears.

A very famous author once said: Never tell a loved one of an infidelity: you would be badly rewarded for your troubles. Although one dislikes being deceived, one likes even less to be undeceived.

(P.S: If you marry a man/woman who cheats on his/her wife/husband, You'll be married to a man/woman who cheats on his/her wife/husband!!)

Virginity: A curse or virtue???

During one of the preliminary rounds for the coveted title of Miss Fresher's, I was asked a question which I am sure most unmarried, Indian girls are still uncomfortable answering: Are you a Virgin and why? Not caring that it was an awesomely cute guy asking me this question, I said 'Dearth of good guys around'. And voila, I was selected for the semi finals though I was surprised at my own answer at that time.


The other day I was again having this conversation with a friend who is slated to get married in December and who is not a virgin. She was scared of her fiance getting to know about it. Happiness on one side and jitters of 'not being a virgin' on one side. I just asked her would it bother you if your fiance is not a virgin? She said it doesnt even bother her in the least. To this, I instantly replied, "what a hypocritic society we are living in?"


In a society of live-ins and open relationships, and a society where the divorce rates are higher than the marriage rates itself, we people are quick to label other people around us. By laying stress on virginity, aren't we devaluing the other women? Its like saying virginity surpasses love and commitment.


Some men may seek virgins because they want them as trophies, or desire purity while for others, it might be just an assurance to their own selves of being the only guy in the girl's life. We all want to and love to imitate westerners when it comes to dressing up or down for that matter, the fake accent that people carry, flaunting the names of cuisines of which one has no knowledge about, advocating liberal values and adapting to the so called modern society. But when it comes to women and their virginity, we are quick to label them as 's***s' who supposedly 'do it' before marriage.


The temptation to take the plunge becomes tough to resist, in a day and age when sex comes naturally in relationships of the heart. And modern day go-getters should have no qualms in accepting that their partners may have gone the whole way in their past affairs. But, despite some broad minded couples, there are still those who relate virginity to morality. For them the bond of the unbroken hymen still scores over the bond of love and commitment.


When you embark on a new journey of life, all that should matter to you is the present and the future. The gruelling task of chastising your non virgin partner should not even form a part of the life that you want to venture out on. Its best to let the bygones be bygones because the past baggage not only ruins the relationships, it also puts an end to the attempt of trying to give meaning to your new relationship. What should matter to you is the loyalty and commitment of the partner towards the current relationship and not making a hue and cry over an already dead relationship. 


Voltaire once said that, "It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue."

(P.S: Oops, did I forget to talk about hymen reconstruction?)