(Dis)Unity In Diversity !!

I have been meaning to write this for quite a while now. I am sure most of us open our Facebook pages even before we can open our eyes properly early morning. I too do the same, with my Blackberry doing the ninja back flip at times. It's always a happy feeling when you read about happy and pleasant stuff that makes you smile. Who wants to wake up to posts that torment us early morning.

A glimpse at my Facebook wall today and all I can see is the walls people have put up between them. Walls that divide us. Walls that keep us apart. Walls that everyone talks about but no one does anything to break them. Walls that act as barriers. Walls that we all wish weren't there. Walls that maybe one day will go down. Walls that we know by the names of Religion, Caste, Status, Regions, Politics, Corruption, Jihad, and a lot more which I might not be able to think right now.

A song sung by apna Assamese singer in the upcoming movie 'Barfi' made you so happy that you decided to call yourself a proud Assamese rather than a proud Indian. An article on the screening of a movie by a historical figure from Assam sends the state in a state of surface pleasantry. People as young as 24 posts statuses about giving them a separate state and a separate identity and not call them 'Indians'. North Easterns want to return to their homeland to be safe in their own country. Their only plea - not to treat them as 'chinkis' and not to take their promiscuous girls with oriental features as 'sl**s'. Is that too much to ask from their own countrymen?
 
The Indian Muslim community is caught in a catch-22 situation. If they go against the grain and fully integrate themselves with the mainstream (this is not to say they don’t try; many do) they risk being alienated by their own community. On the other hand, staying with the fold means subjecting themselves to the dogmas of the clergy.

All of us are aware of what happened in Bangalore. It was shocking to see that years, indeed, decades of social harmony was upended by rumours, scary chain mails and smses. We may be mostly good people at heart. However, we are probably the most internally racist nation on earth. Yes, we all stand up for the national anthem. We also cheer for our cricket team and Olympic medalists. When that ends, however, it's almost like we try to find a reason to hate and mistrust one another. And as part of our shallow thinking, one of the first things we discriminate against is someone who looks different from us.

Talk about India divided into parts. Part that support corruption and the part that supports 'Team Anna'. Part that prevents you from being together with people you love (case in point-Ek Tha Tiger) and part that would not mind killing their own daughters and sons if they married outside their own community. Part that requires you to carry an identity card at all times and part where you do not have your own identity. Part where we all stand for the National Anthem and part where we refuse to stand for the old people looking for seats in the trains and buses. Part where the residents of Delhi will not be given a hotel room for security purposes and part where there are no security checks for tenants. 

While we defend ourselves against the psy-war being waged on us from outside, let's also guard against the war waged on us from within by our two greatest enemies: the twin demons of Prejudice and Intolerance.

(P.S: The Cabinet is a living example of The Peter Principle, where everyone is elevated to their level of incompetence. Let us, the people of India not allow this great nation to fall apart.)    

By Choice Or By Chance !!!

People talk about love being an everlasting emotion. Something that sweeps you off your feet at times. Something that irritates you at times. Something that you are willing to work hard for. Something that at times you are willing to let go off. Something that is required all the time in one form or the other. Something that we can't seem to live without. Something that makes you do stupid things in its name.

Love is unquestionably and undoubtedly an emotion which surpasses all other emotions in a person. We all look for it. We look for it everywhere we can. We fight for it whenever we can. We laugh over it for as long as it is possible. We live for it for as long as we breathe.

My last weekend was as beautiful and perfect as one could have asked for. But that also got me thinking of a few things. Is it possible to stop loving? Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Does that mean you never loved the first person? Does it make you feel like a bad person for loving the second person? Does it ever fill you with the guilt of being wrong? Or does it sometimes make you realize the importance of the first person over second? And if you do still fall for the second person, does that mean you are being unfaithful?

There are times when despite being with one person for a couple of years, you click better with other person and fall for him/her. I have heard people term this as cheating. But come to think of it, can it really be termed as cheating? In our pursuit of being good and kind, we sometimes value the happiness of the other person over ours. In an attempt to remain loyal, we demean ourselves and the second person who for a shorter span of time became all you ever wanted.

Relationships are tough to handle. They are tricky and they take you off by surprises. They make you feel loved and guilty at the same time. They make you feel high and stupid all at once. No matter how long we have been in a relationship, there are times when you realize the missing elements. There are times when you stay in them because you might end up hurting the person you are with. There are moments which make you want to let go but you can't.

Is it wise to stay in a relationship because you have been in it for long? Or is it wiser to stay in a relationship because it is what you have wanted for long? An acquaintance of mine terms falling for the second person 'temporary insanity.' He says, sometimes it is necessary to fall for the second person for it helps you to realize what you really want. This got me thinking that in an attempt to pick and choose, you end up hurting one person more than what they deserved. Is this really the price one should be made to pay for being good? I would say that when you do not have any intentions of catching the person, you shouldn't make him/her fall for you. And if the second person helps you figure out what you really want in life, then maybe the first person wasn't the right fit for you.

Maybe there are no right moments, right people, right answers, maybe sometimes you just have to say what's in your heart. Don't lose sight of what you want for what you have. You gotta take some chances, you gotta risk losing it all, you gotta close your eyes and leap because it might be worth the fall.

(P.S: If you fall in love with two people, pick the second. If you really loved the first person, you wouldn't have fallen for the other)If you fall in love with two people, pick the second. If you really loved the first person, you wouldn't have fallen for the other.

If you fall in love with two people, pick the second. If you really loved the first person, you wouldn't have fallen for the other.

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If you fall in love with two people, pick the second. If you really loved the first person, you wouldn't have fallen for the other.

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Single & (Un)Happy !!!

At my age, I don't really find it weird when people come and ask me about my marital status. If I am still a single, they show concern. If I am married, they ask about kids (when am I having one). And if I am seeing someone, they would want to know all possible details about the person and when would our relationship get converted into 'Holy Matrimony.' I don't blame them for asking such questions. Indian society is conditioned like that. And I do not think I will be wrong if I say that the world is conditioned like that.

When it comes to being a single and at an age where most people prefer getting married, being a single seems like a sin in our so called modern society. Why am I single? I do not know. Do I like being a single? I would lie if I said yes. Of course no one likes being single. Am I single by choice? I do not think so. Aren't you bothered about getting married? If marriage brings botheration, then what exactly is the point of getting married. What are you still looking for? Someone who I can wake up next to, smiling. Do I still have so many choices left with most singles, taken? I do not see any problem in that. Do I have a particular type? I am not buying a shampoo. It's a person for heaven sake. Wouldn't I find it difficult adjusting with a person, now? We keep adjusting to situations all our life. This is just a person.

Not only these. I can come up with infinite number of questions that people throw at singles. Being a single is not a crime. And lemme just mention one thing. No one is single by choice. As humans, we all like to be loved and to love. We cannot by any means live in seclusion. We like who we are but we also like what others can make us feel. Singles are not a deprived lot of people who society shows concern for so much that it sometimes get on your nerves.

With friends, relatives, family constantly at a watch guard to find you a suitable match, one is bound to feel the social pressure around. And given our society, where girls are measured on the basis of their weight, age, colour, height and their working status. And guys are measured by their income level, social status (read liquidity), number of siblings (lesser the better), whether living with parents (how would you like if your son disowns you for his wife) and a lot more which makes me detest this whole matrimony 'business' in our country. A single facing all of this along with the stress of the work, is bound to break down.

Yesterday, a friend was very sad because of his single status. He wants to get married, soon. Why? Because, all his friends are married now. Because, his parents want him to. Because, everyone around him talks about marriage. Because, everyone expects him to be married at this age. To which I had only one question. What do you want? To which he had only one answer, which I have heard a lot of people say. I don't know. I just wanna be married.

Marriage, no doubt is between two families. But it's you who will have to run it. Not the friends who tease you in the cafeteria. Not the relatives who show a huge amount of concern now. Not the parents because they would not be there with you forever. And not the neighbours who poke their nose in all your businesses.

Being single doesn't mean that no one wants you. Or no one likes you. Or you have a problem. You don't love a person all at once. You might not like a few things in yourself and would want to change them. You might not like a few things in the other person and would want to change them. Its the one who loves the flawed you who you should give your heart to. Because no matter what other people say, you definitely are beautifully imperfect !!

(P.S: It's tempting to wish for the perfect boss - the perfect parent - or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.)

Great Expectations !!!

I hate it when people expect a tad bit too much from you all the time. Sure enough, I was there the last time you needed me but things change, time changes and so have I. Suck it up. Your calling me time and again and crying over messages doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that you were a retard the last time we spoke and all those years you have been meaning to ruin my life. It doesn't change the fact that we aren't exactly on what you call 'good terms' right now.

This wasn't me speaking out loud 'what's going on in my mind' right now or for that matter what goes on in my mind all the time. But a sad and true story of a few relationships that have to end sometimes. Its about people expecting too much when they themselves have too little to give. I remember a friend telling me about her boyfriend who used to crib and nag all the time about the friends she has or had (I guess she gave up on those friends to be with him). But when it came to the guy's friends, they were all perfect, infact too perfect to be true.  So perfect, that he gave them more importance over the lady love of his life.

Expectations aren't wrong or unsound. As a matter of fact , they keep the two people who are together, going strong. On my flight back to Delhi from Bangalore, in the winter of 2011, I met a lady, a very intelligent lady who said as long as your partner asks you about your whereabouts and he/she is interested in your life, you two have nothing to worry about. It's when he is not interested in your appearance and ignores you or for that matter doesn't expect anything from you, you have everything to worry about. Because now you know he has lost interest. I couldn't have agreed more. As long as two people truly care about each other, they would want to be a part of each other's life.

Being a part of someone's life doesn't mean that you two will share the food on the plate daily or you two will keep texting about everything that happens in your happy/sad life, or you will update your Facebook status every hour to tell each other how much you miss him/her. In the true sense, it means keeping the other person involved in your life (leaving the detailed description, unless asked). Expectations, if not fulfilled lead to disappointments, which is true in all relationships. Be it your family or your friends, we all expect them to be there when we need them. It goes without saying that they too expect the same from us.

A relationship without expectations is like food without salt. Its bland and boring. While expecting too much is sure to kill a relationship, the opposite can also be true. Every relationship has its high points which are bound to be levelled out over time. If we base our expectations forever on those highs, the rest of the relationship is bound to be disappointing.

Expectations about running into someone who might change your world and give you fluttering butterflies in the pit of your stomach might be a thing of the past. Ever thought of you running into someone and changing their life forever?

(P.S: When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are !!)