Maa Tujhe Salaam !!!

I remember coming back home from school one fine afternoon, crying. I was not only crying, I was making my parents promise that they would never send me to the school again. It was a place where I got scolded and was made to work, when I didn't want to. All I wanted to do was sit next to the cute guy in the class and play, sing songs and share my lunch box. I was hugged and put to sleep.

One night I remember waking up from a bad dream and found myself weeping. I do not remember what I dreamt about. What I remember is that I was hugged and put to sleep again.

I fought with my best friend in college. I do not remember the reason but I remember coming back home and shouting on top of my voice and then crying again. I did not want to fight. It just happened and I did not know what to do. I do not remember why I fought and now I do not even remember who I fought. I remember being hugged and given a smile that made me feel better and at ease.

I scored low in a subject and I was scared. I couldn't have scored low. I studied hard for it. I worked so much on the tests. I put in 16 hours of study on the subject. How could this have happened to me. But it did. I do not remember what subject was it and what did I score in it. But I remember being motivated and I remember being told 'hard work pays off and I need not base my self worth on the basis of the marks I scored.' I remember being told I could do better and I remember being kissed on the forehead.

I fell ill and I blacked out. I fell off the stairs and I hurt myself. I cried endlessly. I do not remember when this happened and how ill I was. But I remember being put in my bed and taken care of. I remember being hugged and tended to.

I started working and I loved it. I starting loving my work and was given more work. I started hating the work load and people around. I whined and nagged. I cribbed and sniveled. I do not remember what work made me hate my work. I do not remember what did I whine about. But I remember being asked to calm down and take up activities that make me feel better. I remember being comforted and consoled. I remember being asked to quit if I wanted to. 

I loved and I lost. I cried and was exhausted. I hated the world. I hated myself. I do not remember why I loved so much and why did I cry so much. But I remember being told that I deserve someone better. I remember being told that it's destiny's way of saying you deserve to be loved more and to love more. I remember being taken into arms that would never leave me and put to sleep in the lap of the person holding me.

I lost four people I loved dearly. I was heartbroken, shattered and crushed. I was let down by people I cared for the most. I was being pulled down and was falling apart. I do not remember how I felt at that moment. I do not remember how I pulled myself back together. But I remember being told that I am strong and I will make through this like everything else. I remember being hugged and told that I am tougher than the situation itself.

I do not remember how I grew up to be this strong. I do not remember the source of my strength for surviving setbacks. I do not remember my source of inspiration. I do not remember my origin. I do not remember my mistakes. I do not remember being put down. I do not remember crying to sleep. I do not remember sadness. But I remember moments.

I remember being happy. I remember being euphoric. I remember laughing in splits. I remember being held. I remember being kissed. I remember being hugged. I remember sleeping comfortably. I remember the source of my laugh lines. I remember the wild child that I was. I remember being pampered and I remember being at ease. I remember my maker. I remember my mom.

I might not remember most people and situations I have been through in life. But I remember each day when I was hugged by my mother and inspired to move ahead in life. I might not be a perfect daughter but I couldn't have asked for a more perfect mother.

Alice Walker once said, “In search of my mother's garden, I found my own.”

(P.S: When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.)